As of this week my husband and I will have lived here for one year. It is hard to believe how much has happened this year--how much we have learned and experienced. I am thankful for God’s faithfulness through it all, both the good times and bad. However, this week I took another language fluency test and in the days leading up to it I felt fears and insecurities rising up to the surface--things that I thought had been silenced for a while, but still reared their ugly heads.
Here is my journal entry:
"Yesterday I felt really discouraged with language practice. I feel like I just fail and and again. I complained to my husband saying, 'I’m terrible at this--I feel like I am not learning anything.' After a year of living here, I assumed I would be totally fluent by now. I thought that this aspect of living overseas wouldn’t keep causing me stress after investing so much time studying.
But this morning as I was praying, my words from yesterday popped back into my head: 'I’m terrible at this…' Then, as if in answer, Exodus 4:11 popped into my head:
Who made man’s mouth?
When Moses said he couldn’t go and lead the Israelites out of slavery, he had the same excuse as me. He tried to convince God that he wouldn’t be equipped to do the work God was calling Him too (as if God didn’t know whom He was choosing.) Not only did Moses eventually agree to go, he became one of the most famous leaders in history. God silenced him with these simple, yet profound words: “Who made man’s mouth?”
Yes, sometimes I still feel like the language is a struggle… and I wish it wasn’t. But God is sovereign. He knew the challenges I would face, but He made my mouth. The only reason I am able to say anything is because He has enabled me to do so. And by placing my confidence in Him, and I am able to go forth and serve Him in power, because 'In my weakness, He is made strong.' To God be the glory!"