Since the disastrous meeting on day one (see the full story in my October post), I have learned so much. Every week after the girls go home I am so exhausted I can’t even move. Yes, it is tiring to host 7 people in a small house for 4-5 hours every week, but I am also exhausted from the spiritual, mental, and emotional battles taking place.
One thing that has made a huge difference each week is prayer. I had been praying before they came over each week, but lately I’ve been inviting my teammates to come over as well so that we can partner together in prayer and cover the house in His protection. Trusting in my own strength is not enough! Ephesians 6:12: “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.”
In fact, one week the girls and I met in a different house (in a neighborhood with zero followers of Christ for miles), and I didn’t have time to pray together with the team first. I was shocked by the difference. It was like the girls had ear plugs in, and all they wanted to do was argue. I felt sick on the drive home and decided right then that we would always meet in my house and never skip team prayer.
In general, the girls become more open and comfortable with each passing week. But even though we are making progress, it is difficult to stay hopeful… the process is long and hard. One week we were talking about sin, and how any sin (even what we consider “small sin”) permanently separates us from God because He is so holy. The girls immediately rejected this, talking about how He is merciful and all they need to do is repent if they sin--ultimately ignoring the fact that God is also just and infinitely holy.
As I tried to explain this and got shot down over and over again, I suddenly felt like a huge weight was placed on my shoulders. If they believe it is enough to just say “sorry” without there being any eternal consequences, then what need do they have for the Gospel? How could they ever see truth?
We are slowly working our way through the Old Testament, discussing righteousness and justice, but they are so far from understanding what these concepts really mean. It may take us months or even years to discuss the prophets, and even after all that work they may STILL not see the truth. The journey seemed much too far. As these fears crowded into my head, I cried out to the Lord.
He answered me immediately.
Quiet yet crystal clear the words resounded in my heart: All of this could change in a moment.
I was stunned. It was so true. At any moment the Spirit could speak to them and reveal the truth. It does not require a formula, or a perfectly mapped out schedule of topics. It will happen in His timing. No matter how long I spent preparing discussion questions, preparing for each (very long) meeting, it wasn’t up to me. But He, Almighty God, could change them in a moment.
I don’t know what it will take for them to see who He really is, but I know it will be something very special, something that speaks to the girls in a way that is perfect and meaningful for them. In the meantime, I am called to be patient and faithful. It is hard, honestly. I wish things would move faster, that our meetings each week were easier, that I didn’t end up falling on my face each night after they leave--totally worn out.
But My Father assures me that He sees, and He will move. All of my blood, sweat, and tears (literally… see my post from October) will be worth it in the end!