This past week was an emotional roller coaster. As some of you know, I just got back from spending ten days in the states for a friend’s wedding. It was such an incredible week. It started out by seeing the most amazing Taylor Swift concert in my favorite city, and ended with being a bridesmaid in an absolutely gorgeous wedding. I am so excited and happy for Cara and Nick as they start this new journey together as husband and wife. Their love for each other is just so evident and beautiful. As you may also know, I’m planning to come back to the states in a couple of months for good. My two years in Mexico are quickly coming to an end. As you may imagine, this comes with a lot of emotions. Before coming home this past week, I was feeling really good about moving home in August. I felt (and still feel) I’ll be ready to come home and start the next stage of my journey (grad school). Thinking about moving home, oddly, wasn’t something that made me feel sad, or upset. It was actually quite the opposite. See, I love being here. I love my ministry. And I love my girls. But I’m also very excited about what comes next. I think this comes from the fact that going to grad school was always the plan. Since before graduating college, and God bringing me to Mexico, my plan was always to get my masters degree in counseling. I’m excited to pursue that and to start preparing for a job I know I’ll truly love and that God has, not unlike my position in Mexico, called me too. But this past Thursday, while lying in bed looking through Instagram stories, I saw a friend here in Mexico post a video of musicians out on the street playing beautiful music. And I had my first tinge of homesickness for Mexico, where your stomach kinda knots up, and ya kinda wanna cry (?). The thought “Wow! I miss Mexico.” flashed across my mind. I had been out of the country less than a week! Here I was surrounded, literally, by my absolute favorite people in the whole world. All in one room, celebrating together, and yet I was missing Mexico. And when I’m here in Mexico, I miss those favorite people of mine like crazy. It’s a dichotomy I haven’t quite figured out how to manage yet, but I’m working on it! Needless to say, I realized the transition home in August is going to be harder than I expected it to be.
During my week home I tried to talk to (non-Spanish speaking) people in Spanish, said “hola hermosa” to a dog in the park, and would (still) get frustrated looking for a trashcan to put my toilet paper in. I also soaked up every moment with my mom, reveled in getting a pedicure, ate hy-vee Chinese, and caught up with some of my very best friends. This week home was filled with so many highs, that would transition slowly but surely into lows, and then back to high again. And at the end of it, all I wanted was one more day at home, just one. To do what, I don’t know. Honestly probably just more time on my favorite napping couch, doing nothing, or drinking coffee with mom, or watching a movie with my brother. All I know is that the week went by fast. And landing in Mexico, I felt the same way I always do walking through immigration, thankful and excited to be here. I was pumped to be back, ready to go see the girls in the safe home and my host family again. I’m relishing and taking joy in these last few months here.
Thanks for letting me use this blog as a way to process through all these feelings. In case your concerned, I'm still feeling good about moving home, for the most part, it will just be harder than I was anticipating. I hope you all can use this as a reminder that being bi-cultural is hard, and to love on (and bear with) those of us with hearts in two places. If you’ve never done it, you probably won’t understand it. We will do and say things that don’t make sense, or that may even seem strange. Hang in there and we can find equilibrium together. But I hope this gave some kind of insight into the bi-cultural experience as well. Think of those you know who live overseas, study abroad, and even take short-term mission trips and realize that experience is equal parts harder for them and more amazing than they are letting on. Thanks for reading my ramblings, thanks for loving me, and thanks for all the support you’ve shown throughout these past 20 months. Couldn't do it without ya.