It's been six weeks into my fundraising campaign to work with my organization. Six difficult yet glorious weeks of energy spent with meeting people, making calls, sending emails and letters. Hands down, this first half of the campaign timeline has been a bum-rush of sanctification, haha.
As I'm exhausting the first portion of the list I'm finding that I'm dreading contacting the second half. The first half was filled with people who know me and my vocation, people who love the Lord and me, and so I was more confident going into appointments and meeting with them. The second half is filled with acquaintances and almost-estranged friends, and it's not so much that I'm nervous about them not deciding to support me financially in this venture, but that they won't give me the opportunity to share with them. Oh, believe me, it's been weeks and weeks of waiting and following-up with several people who have seen my emails and gotten my calls, even seen me in person... but nothing.
I was really discouraged, and so I called up my pastor who has been fundraising also this past year for our budding church plant--in fact he still is. Of all people I know and trust deeply, I knew he would understand. Most of what he shared with me, I already knew. But that's not to take away from the profundity of of very obvious and yet hard-hitting statement: He is using this time to teach you how to love people who disappoint you.
Many would advise: don't take it personally, people are busy, their enery is tied up in other ministries--and all these other reasons that wouldn't necessary help me deal with the reality that regardless, it's disappointing. And knowing these reasons don't teach me how to continue to maintain good, non-awkward relationships with them.
It's caused me to examine my heart (which believe me, I'm doing a TON these days, and the state of my spirit is always on the forefront of my mind), and has made me ask some hard questions. A couple of which are: do I really care about these people regardless of how they treat me? Am I finding my anointing for this work in Father alone? I hope the answers are a resounding yes all the time, but in all honestly, sometimes it's a no. And as someone preparing to be in full-time ministry for the next two years it's imperative I begin recognizing and working on these now.
AND YET! Despite all of this, Father is constantly providing beyond my expectations. Currently I have 50% of my monthly commitments!! Half my monthly budget in half the time (though my start-up budget is pretty sad looking), and I know His timing is perfect. The good news is that I'm so blessed that you all want to keep me in China for two years, and now I just have to somehow get there first ;)
To Him be the honor and glory forever and ever!