Learning how to walk in the in-between. It is strange because I think a lot of us crave the mountaintops or even the valleys. In both places we feel a lot. Either a lot of joy, a lot of excitement, a lot of pain, a lot of sadness, a lot of anything. In the valleys and on the mountaintops we can feel God being our comforter in a new way, and we can see him being the God who saves us and who lifts us from the valley.
That is where I was a month ago. I was needing God in a way that I never have before, and I felt him show up. I truly felt him come and felt him speak on my behalf and felt him carry me. Though it was a valley and in that I felt much sorrow, I loved the feeling of being at a turning point. The feeling where I could look at my situation and say, “woah God you are doing something because this is not what I thought was coming. But you are big and powerful in the midst of this and I trust your goodness that I cannot see yet.”
That was the valley, and now I’d say I’m in the middle ground. The in-between. The trekking that feels a bit like wandering through a meadow (or sometimes a desert) trying to figure out which turn to take, but the turn is still miles away. This in-between is often the post-revelation period where life just keeps going. It’s the post-election shock of woah that craziness just peaked and now we’re going to keep living life even though this really rocked us. Life keeps going. We keep breathing and we keep walking.
This is the place we, or at least I, get tired. The place I feel myself starting to lose momentum because I’m not living on the adrenaline rush of everything crashing around me or the joy of huge revelations coming to fruition. I’m living in the in-between. It’s the place I often want to rush through, to move quickly over so I can get to the good life-changing stuff again.
But when I rush the in-between, I miss the beauty of it. And the necessity of it. This is where perseverance is tested and grown and I really need that. I’ve been wrestling with the idea of productivity this month, questioning my own goal for this in-between period. Because I desperately want this time to be productive. In learning how to be a good nurse. In trying to learn a whole new language. In spending quality time with my family and friends and preparing all of our hearts for my soon departure. And I’ve been coming up short. Finding that my motivation can easily fade as I look at others to determine my own productivity.
THEN I came across 1 Peter 1:5-8. “Make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
In this in-between is where the “making the effort” comes in and its honestly not the funnest of times. It’s harder than it sounds. And it’s difficult to remain in a place of complete contentment when the days are mundane, and the people are frustrating, and the lies questioning our worth keep talking. BUT it is worth it. It is absolutely the most worth it thing to pursue. To put effort toward. Because the effort leads to the love of Christ, by the grace of his patience, creating a faith in us that is useful, productive, effective.
The in-between is beautiful because it reminds me of how Jesus continues pursuing me and molding me in the simplicity of normal life. It is beautiful because the fullness of the life he offers is always now, and He’s teaching me to see that. The in-between is necessary because there is much at stake. There is a world that needs to know the grace Jesus offers. And they need people that know how to keep going when life gets hard, when it gets good, and when it gets mundane.
Jesus, thank you for the lessons you teach in every season. Through every up, down, and in-between, thank you for being the fullness of life, of joy, of hope. We cling to you, and give you all praise forever and ever.