Going into this season of support raising, of preparation, of organized whirlwind, I was repeatedly told that I would be challenged greatly, that I would need God in new ways, and that in turn, I would grow like never before. I eagerly walked into this process, excited to grow closer to my Savior and grow in wonder by how big He really is.
In this decision to serve overseas, to experience two years among the unreached, to dedicate this time to spreading the gospel, I have known the command to surrender all, my whole life for the sake of Christ. I have known that I would need to let go of what I hold closely, to hold Christ closer. I have known that taking up my cross would be difficult.
I have known, but now I feel. I feel the pain that comes when I actually have to release those for whom I care most from my grasp. I feel the weight of my cross, with all of my selfishness, my pride, and my unworthiness that come in moments of weakness. I feel the grief, the wetness of real tears, the ache of raw hurt.
In removing what I held so tightly, Jesus has wounded me. He has left me desperate for Him. Placed me in a spot of needing him. And he has not left me in my hurt, in my grief, in my emptiness.
He has absolutely filled me, has wrapped me in his embrace, and has been my comforter in my deepest hurts. I am blown away by the warmth he has brought in a season that could be dark, lonely, and cold. The darkness has come, but His light has proven stronger, his love bigger, his grace enough. He has placed people in my life to encourage, nature to leave me in wonder, and has filled me with hope for all that is ahead.
In this surrender, I have found life. A life of abundance that comes only through Christ.
“Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” Hosea 6:1-3