This past week, 17 of us with different stories and different skill sets have gathered in one place with one goal in mind of entering dark places to spread the light we have found in the gospel. We have been at GoWeek, where we have been training to support-raise and meet with potential partners to make our visions of the next two years possible. It has been so powerful to witness the ways God has uniquely worked out in each of us, His desires for our lives, and we are surrounded by stories of his faithfulness in getting us to this place of going.
I feel like my list of “identities” is growing exponentially these days. I am daughter, I am nurse, I am sister, I am girlfriend, I am friend, I am now Goer, missionary, full-time support-raiser. There are moments where the weight of these roles can be absolutely overwhelming, and I can easily get lost in feelings of inadequacy and lies of being unworthy to have such identities. This week of clarifying identities and laying out the details of what they will entail through this next season of support-raising and preparing to go to Southeast Asia as a community health worker has resulted in a mixture of feelings.
Beyond feeling overwhelmed, I feel so encouraged and reminded of who God has called me to be. There is no question that He has been preparing me throughout my entire life to be exactly where I am right now. And where I am right now can seem like a very scary place: entering into a completely new culture to LIVE there for two years of my life, preparing to use my nursing education and experience to actually DO nursing in a whole new setting, and going back into a season of long distance that is MUCH bigger than anything I/we have done before. I have many questions, but also much confidence in the hope I have found.
I am hanging on with all my might to the promises of Light, of Hope, of Love, of Jesus. The identity He gives is one as His child- cared for, provided for, and loved unconditionally. His strength has carried me when I have felt so weak, His faithfulness has sustained me when I have been distracted, and His peace has given me a place to rest when life just feels crazy. So entering this next season will be insane and risky and very very new. I may not feel 100% ready, but I may rest in the truth that I am prepared, I am worthy, and I am never alone.
“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; for the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”
Psalm 139:7-12