Wow. I am here. Finally. A full year after I started this journey, I have made it. It’s actually week number four! Crazy! It is amazing being here, and I am so happy that I am finally settling in with culture, family life, my team, and with language learning. I am finally starting to get a routine down, and so I think that helps it feel more like home and more like real life.
Although we think we know ourselves, traveling to a new country and a new culture brings out stuff in us that we didn’t know we had. I did have some expectations, even though I told myself that I wasn’t going to. Well, they happened anyways. I think I expected myself to be more extreme, especially in my emotions. I expected myself to miss my parents more, I expected myself to be super excited that I was here. I expected myself to learn the language faster. I expected to make friends more easily.
My parents, my family, and my friends. Oh, I do miss them, and sometimes it has been hard, but it has not been as hard as I expected. I think it has to do with my being over here in my own adventure. I remember feeling devastated and super sad when they were gone for two weeks on a vacation. I’m pretty sure it is a lot harder being the one left at home than the one who left on the adventure. I do try to talk to my parents at least once or twice a week, and I think that helps all of us. I have been able to talk with my best friend, and hopefully, she will be visiting me in the summer! But even so, every day keeps me so busy that I guess I don’t have time to miss them, which is a blessing in itself. I know there will be days that I miss them more, but that expectation of missing them so much has definitely been wrong.
I also expected to be super excited about being here. Even the few weeks leading up to my departure I was surprised at myself for being so calm. I was confused… why wasn’t I excited about this? Why wasn’t I feeling anything about this next gigantic step in my life? I think I might know part of the reason, but I’m not at a full understanding yet. I think it just feels so right. It feels normal here. I feel at home; I don’t feel as if this is such a huge leap. Maybe this is Him trying to tell me something about my future, I don’t know. But this is something I am definitely thinking about a lot. It also could be that I am in the “honeymoon” stage where I love everything about this new culture. Except that doesn’t quite account for the calm and peaceful feeling. I don’t quite know about this one… stay tuned.
Everyone has told me, from the start, that this is an “easy” language to learn. I came here into that mindset, and it hasn’t really been easy. I’ve compared myself to others (even though they have been here longer) and I wished I was as good as them. But then, He showed me that even if it is an “easy” language, I still need to learn and memorize the verbs, nouns, and grammar. That doesn’t change, no matter how easy a language might be. I have been working on giving myself a lot more grace in this area.
I also expected to make friends more easily. Foreign and local, too. But, I’ve only really made one ex-pat friend and two local friends. It’s a lot harder than I thought to find the community I need. The language barrier is a hard one, and local friends, I know, will come with the language, but I am impatient. It’s also hard to come in by myself, as the other ex-pats here have already formed friendship bonds or are leaving soon. So thoughts on finding community would be greatly appreciated.
Expectations. They are a killer. I know I still probably have some expectations that He is dragging out of me; this journey is just beginning.