“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness” Lamentations 3: 22-23. Thank goodness for that! As it nears the end of the official fundraising period, I am filled with so many thoughts and emotions form the past 12 weeks. I have felt elation, sadness, joy, fear, peace, anger, amazement… The list goes on and on. Some weeks I worked hard and diligently for hours at a time. Other weeks, I lounged around doing nothing. I liken the ups and downs of this process to a wheel, I am sometimes on top and sometimes on bottom. Thankfully, Jesus’s love is never ending and always forgiving.
Day in, day out I work at calling people, emailing others, having meetings, doing follow-ups. It is a very exhausting process. God has challenged me, amazed me, and brought me through many tough moments. It has been rewarding, but it is not an easy process. Not to mention I have other training that I have been working on from my other organization. It takes a lot of courage and strength to keep on going. Some days, I didn’t have that strength. And out of those days, I sometimes took my weariness to God, and others I just wallowed in my apathy.
I think the main thing I have come to understand during this process is that we will all be on top at some time and we will all be on the bottom. What matters is what I do during those times in which I am on the bottom. He met me, over and over again. Well, actually, He was always there. I had just chosen not to see Him through all my “business” and apathy. But when I did turn to Him, He was always there; He had never left. He has the strength I need to carry on. There’s that saying about how God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but I think that is not quite true. I think He does give us more that we can handle. That way, we have to rely on Him. I can’t boast or brag about how far I am along in the fundraising process because I never believed that I could get this far! But because I have an awesome God that can handle all things, He has brought me so much farther than I could ever imagine.
My work and training has not become “easier”, but I feel a little more at peace. I know what’s coming. I know that the wheel is circular, I will return to the bottom again. That is a given, but it does not worry me. I know that Jesus is always by my side. He is not far away looking down; He is here, holding me close.