You know that feeling that you get when you just don’t want to do anything? It is this heaviness that presses down on you and consumes your will to live and move. If feels like you are trapped in a tub of jello in which there is no escape. Well, I’ve been feeling like that for the past three weeks. And this is not good because I only have four weeks left of fundraising time. The will to go on has left me, and all I feel is this oppressiveness that hinders my every movement.
I try to get out, I do, and yet every time I get sucked back into the dark hole of nothingness. Why is it so hard? Why does life so overwhelm you and no matter what you do, you can’t escape it? You do everything in your power, and yet you still fail. Why?
~20 minute break from writing~
I realize now why He made me stop writing this blog for a little bit. Well, I’m not sure I have “realized” it; I don’t really know how to explain it. God has overwhelmed and consumed me with His love.
As I continue to write this, I am struck again by the wonderment of God, Creator of the universe. His beauty is overwhelming. His power is so much more than I can imagine, comprehend, or describe. He is so beautiful, so wondrous, so indescribable. He consoles us when we are at our weakest. He is love. He loves us when we so desperately need it. He loves me when I am in the pit of despair. You can’t be pulled out; pits like this are too deep for someone to reach down. Jesus didn’t reach down. He climbed in. And then He carried me out. Me. An insignificant piece of dust. He gave me worth. He gave me a royal cloak and a lap to sit in. I am His daughter of light, and He is pleased with me. Oh, how great is our God? How wonderful His majesty? How majestic is His glory? How glorious is His name.
Oh reader, whoever and wherever you are, know that the God of the universe is with you. He guides you with every step. He holds you in His hand. Yes, Jesus, let this be a testament to Your name. I sit here crying, still, because every time I think of Him, His gloriousness washes over me and my wonderment of who He is consumes me.
The sun is rising; I see first light. The darkness I was residing in was only the moment before the dawn. He is rising, with me in His arms. I cannot create the light. That has already been done. It has already been finished. Night will come again, I am sure of it. I will embrace the darkness because I know that the Light is within me.
The night is always darkest right before the dawn, but do not let that bother you. The Son has risen.