I had the opportunity to go to Berlin almost four years ago with a group from my university and it was easily my favorite city that I visited on that trip. I was a history minor, so getting to see places that I had read about and studied was an incredible experience, and the artistic culture was the icing on the cake. I must admit that, while I was smitten by the city itself, I also struggled with the darkness I experienced in the city. It was one of the first places I had been that was so void of Christ. I had a really hard time overcoming the heaviness that accompanied the darkness, but the Lord used this to teach me so much about my own sin and stubbornness through my experiences there. While I was so quick to judge others for living such worldly lives, I was put in my place as I was reminded of the many times in my own life in which I denied Christ complete Lordship and lived the way I wanted to. I understood grace and mercy in a new light, and developed a new love for the city and all that it taught me. I knew that I would not be able to get on a plane going back to Berlin soon enough.
It’s crazy for me to think back through all of that and to think that God knew even then that He would one day send me back to take the light of the Gospel in that darkness. I am overwhelmed just by the thought of it. I could have only dreamed of this opportunity, yet God knew the whole time that He would direct my steps in this way.
I leave in three days for this incredible adventure, and I’m feeling a lot of things. I am incredibly excited. God has been so faithful in seeing this through: from guiding to this opportunity to making all of my support come together. I can’t wait to see all of the things that He is doing through the Reach Global team in Berlin, and I certainly can’t wait to jump in and do what I can to build His kingdom in Berlin. Plus, I can’t wait to explore my new city and become immersed in all things German.
However, I am also pretty nervous. What if they don’t like my bubbly personality? What if I don’t catch onto Deutsch quickly enough? How many times will I go through the four F’s of culture shock? What if I miss my family too much? What if I fail? These are the questions constantly running through my mind. I know that they are lies that the Enemy is feeding me, and I’m trying to do my best to take these thoughts captive. I know that my God will be with me and that His Spirit will bring all of the consolation I will need. Yet, I think that it’s important to share these real things with other believers. There is so much freedom in vulnerability. Plus, this will allow others to know how to pray for me, or help other goers know that they may not be alone in feeling these things before they leave.
As I was feeling nervous a moment ago, I began reading and the Lord placed Deuteronomy 31:8 before me. It reads: "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you." What a beautiful reminder this was to quiet my anxious thoughts and fears, and to help me fix my focus on Him who has gone ahead of me. I know that since my God is with me, I have nothing to fear. All praise be to God!