This past month I went skiing for the first time. I was excited to get out of the city and spend some time in a snowy place with friends for Christmas, but I wasn’t really sure how I would like skiing. As much as I love intense activities, I kind of had a hunch that it would be hard for me to learn. The first day Nick and Alex took me to the top of the beginner mountain and I was legitimately scared. I had no idea how to move, how to stop or how to get myself back up if I fell. I didn’t want to go anywhere because I had no control over anything. With patience and diligence Nick and Alex walked me through the course, but I wasn’t enjoying it. I didn’t like it. I had no control and no way of understanding how I would get myself safely from point A (the top) to point B (the bottom). The last part of the course was the steepest and most icy and I would cringe every time we got to this spot. I just wanted to take off my skis and walk myself to the bottom, but I knew Nick wouldn’t let me do that and the only was I would get to the bottom was if I listened to what he was telling me and trusted him enough to try it.
Day one went from me holding on for dear life to Nick and Alex to following Nick down a course I had never been before with confidence that I was going to be able to do it.
So what changed?
At the beginning of the day I wasn’t willing to let go of my control and own understanding and I knew it. I knew it wasn’t just about learning to ski, it was an experience that reminded me of the depravity of my own heart. I didn’t want to step out and do anything unless I had full understanding of what I was doing and what the outcome would be. I was scared of the unknowns that would come in trying new things. In order to learn I had to let go of control and trust those leading, but I was stuck in self-preservation mode.
God was in the midst of this whole experience, reminding me of the strongholds in my life. Just like I can’t stand at the top of the mountain and worry how every single step of going down the mountain is going to go, I can’t stand in the present and wonder/worry how all the future unknowns are going to unfold. How I finally got down the mountain is exactly how I am to walk through life on this side of heaven, one “S” turn, one step at a time.
Once I relinquished enough control to trust what those teaching me were asking me to do, once I stopped being afraid of the uncertainties and the potential wipe outs that might happen and once I stopped looking at the whole mountain and started focusing on the present “S” turn everything started to come together.
Wow, our faith walk is just like coming down the mountain for the first, second or twenty fifth time. Sure we still have moments where the fear returns or we wipe out, but it’s about relinquishing ourselves as rulers over our lives and giving the Lord the authority that is rightfully His over us. We will always live in fear if we continue to put our trust in ourselves, but when we finally begin to trust that He is greater we will walk in freedom and reach heights we never thought possible on our own.
I love what this fun adventure taught me, even if it was challenging.
As I walk into 2018 I look forward to growing in trust, obedience and worship of Jesus as Lord over my life. If I am always to live in self-protection mode how am I ever to pour myself out as a drink offering before the Lord? These are the things I seek to grow in this coming year.
Thankfully the Lord is full of patience and mercy, all that I ask is He would give me a willing spirit to walk in the ways He desires me to go.