Recently, the foster program had a scare where a new law was passed that would send more than half of the children of the program back to the orphanages they came from. The only option was to scramble to apply for exemptions for each child individually. Thankfully, all but four of the children were approved for exemption and could remain with their foster families. The four to go back are the youngest of the program – but there is currently no definite timeline established for when they will be required to return. We are grateful for what time they do have, while praying that another solution can be found in the meantime.
As a result, the director now wants to create electronic photo albums of each child, in order to have ample proof on hand to show how the children have clearly benefitted and developed while living with their foster families. The medical staff has invited me to accompany them on their house visits, to take photos and gather resources to put together these albums, as well as to offer some suggested rehabilitation for the families to do with the children in their care. I’ve also been taking trips on my own to some of these families to just offer more rehab guidance.
For so long, I’ve felt like I wasn’t doing enough on the medical side of things here and that I was a let down to myself and others for how little I had done over the course of the past year (there was some, but it didn’t feel like nearly enough to me). But now that things are changing, now that my involvement has grown, I find myself uncomfortable and anxious with the change.
“What if I have nothing to offer this child?”
“What if I do something wrong? What if I embarrass myself?”
“What if my language isn’t developed enough to communicate what I need to?”
I’m torn between wanting to be useful and fearing inadequacy. I’m excited about getting some hands-experience, but worried that I’ll prove to myself all the reasons why my pursuits are a mistake, or how I’m not good enough. I fear correction but doubt my own decisions even more….
Last month, I was given the opportunity to travel to another city to attend a conference of like-minded medical professionals that serve in various parts of the country. Centered around a theme from 2 Corinthians 12:9 and the power found in weakness, I found heaps of encouragement there through the doctors and health workers (and even PTs!) who shared similar stories of constantly being challenged to step out of the boat – out of their own areas of comfort and control – to rely on God, and not their own abilities, knowledge and wisdom.
Now, back in my own city, I’m still nervous about the responsibilities, but I can keep God in sight now. I’m not going alone to any of these places, but God is going with me. He loves these families more than I ever could, and is using me to serve their needs while showing in action that they are cared for.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”