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Give it up already!

Posted on Saturday, July 23, 2016

Last week, I had my pre-field training with my sending organization, where long- and short- term missionaries alike met together to prepare for our departure to our assignments. We covered a range of topics, ranging from culture shock and spiritual health to team dynamics to spiritual warfare, as well as plenty of others. I am still processing a lot from that, but something that hit me pretty quick is that I really need to search deep within myself and find what I have been holding on to and still need to let go of - the things that I feel entitled to have in life – that will hold me back from being a more effective servant and witness.

When we first talked about it, my first reaction was, "what entitlements? I've already decided to let those go - my home, my family, my financial and physical security, and my comfort - in order to go to another country to spread the Gospel, so what more is there?” But the more I think about it, the clearer it is that I do have some pretty serious "rights" to give up, so I'm hoping maybe you can relate to some of them. Here are just a few that I’ve thought of:

  • Pride and dignity: This is something that I thought I had in the bag, because I can laugh at myself and I've had plenty of experience in dealing with embarrassment (just call me the harbinger of first impressions). Even so, I'm now thinking this one may be easier said than done. Moving to another country, especially one that I know next to nothing of the language, my ability to communicate will be at the level of a toddler (if I’m lucky to have that much) – unable to communicate complex ideas or “prove” to people I talk with that I have some extent of intelligence – and I need to be okay with that.
  • Being understood: This is pretty closely tied to the pride and dignity, but it has more to do with communication style. I am extremely direct, and process most things verbally, so I have little talent in communicating indirectly. I’m sure I will have times where I completely botch an interaction based on a missed indirect cue or face some other misunderstandings, and won’t be able to explain my way through what it is I meant to say or do. But instead of worrying about making sure I’m understood (since that won’t work), I need to focus on how God would have me act, take on the posture of a learner and try to adapt. I will need to just be patient with myself, and trust that I will build relationships with the people God intends me to reach, and that those people will give me grace for my misunderstandings.
  • Vermin-free housing: Laugh (or cringe) all you want, but when I made the decision to live in another country, I never thought of the possibility that my closest neighbors may be cockroaches or rats! I've never been good at killing bugs, but to go out on my own, I will need to learn to be my own exterminator! 
  • Defending my opinions: At this point in my life, I’ve developed a lot of my own theories, thoughts and decisions, and I’ve had some education, too, so I definitely feel like I have something to contribute. However, I need to be aware that advice here, or correction there is not always appreciated, especially in a culture where the honor of saving face is so important, and that it will frequently be more prudent for me to hold my tongue. It is all too easy to jump in with what seems like the best idea to me, without waiting and listening, to understand why others do things differently. It’s a habit that I will need to develop and practice, both with the people I meet from the culture, but also with the people on my team while in the presence of nationals, because if I appear to show the expected respect only to nationals, and not also to people from my own background, I might appear two-faced or suspicious, or that I don’t respect the honor of my own people.

As much as I would like to say that I’ve now thought through everything I need to let go of and am now ready to enter the field with a monk-like sainthood, there could be nothing further from the truth (other than saying I’ve been chosen to be the next Pope, that is). The reality is that I am still the imperfect person I always was, and these entitlements are things that I will struggle with every day, among other things. I will repeatedly need to make the conscious decision to give them up, and will fail to do so frequently.

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