(If you're reading this from my newsletter, you will start on the 3rd paragraph!)
Two weeks ago the girls told Janice (the wife-part of the founder duo of El Pozo de Vida) that they feel like they are always working, and not having fun. That people are telling them what to do more often than trying to find ways to play with them. After this, Janice reminded the team that while we are authorities in their lives, we need to prioritize periods of fun with the girls too. In this way, they won't only associate the staff & volunteers with reprimands and work.
It was really good timing to have had this brought to my attention because as my responsibilities have grown at the refuge, I have had less "hang out" time with the girls. Not to mention that their schedules don't have a whole lot of room for that as before. And so, Riley (a fellow Goer!) and I are now thinking of how to be more intentional with the study we've been trying to garner momentum for. In addition, I am realizing that I may need to stay at the refuge for a longer period on Saturdays. Which is hard, because I enjoy this freedom. However, I really want to show the girls that I am not just at the refuge to "give them a lesson" and that I do want to convivir (Mexican term for spending quality time) with them. Because I truly do!
It's just sometimes the girls give you such attitude and complain so much, that I feel more relief not being there than being there.
(Now don't let that set off any alarms. I am incredibly grateful to be doing what I am doing! I am simply being honest, and don't want to sugar coat my experience.)
And then factor in listening and speaking in Spanish for hours (it's like having your brain on overload), spiritual darkness, and general life stresses. So that by the end of my shift, I am exhausted!
Then there's the forgetting-that-you-are-a-fun-person factor. Just last week Cheyenne, Riley and I were talking about our experiences at the refuge. After a pause, I made a comment to them about how sometimes I forget that I am an enjoyable person to be around. They both exclaimed (at the same time), "Yessssss! Me too!!!" You may be wondering how that is even a thing. But trust me, after a few hours of RBF, ignoring what you say, and whining every time you are simply asking them to do what they already know they should be doing, I legit have been temporarily caught off guard when another person seems to enjoy my company. Or when a friend from the US contacts me on Facebook... I think to myself: Oh yeah!! People do love me and want to be around me!
Just so you have a fuller understanding I must say being at the refuge is not always so difficult and discouraging. In fact, I'd say things are getting better and better! For instance, I have, miraculously, managed to grow my relationship with A, who when I first arrived barely gave me a passing glance. (Who would have thought painting nails could create such strong bonds!) Furthermore, when I take time to reflect on the good parts of my day at the refuge, there are regularly very sweet moments of laughter, hugs, and dancing (usually to a Zumba video, because they LOVE Zumba).
My friend Tina says that we're experiencing very similar realities to parenting, except we don't have a context for this, because, well, we've never been parents. When she continued to explain this phenomenon to us, I had an "Aha!" moment (one of many since being here) that left me relieved to know that there is some reasoning behind what we've gone through at the refuge: the tension between having authority and being similar to a friend. On the one hand, we have certain responsibilities that involve being over the girls, but on the other hand, we do things like play Uno and watch the Vampire Diaries... It is a blurry line to distinguish at times. However, I know this is simply evidence of more growth, more experience, and definitely more reason to rely on the Lord.