I'm shooting off the hip with this blog post (for the second time because this whole thing was deleted when I first wrote it). So HOPEFULLY, my thoughts will be coherent (or at least more coherent than before, but I make no promises).
Last week I studied Genesis 11:1-8 with my Avance team. You know the story: God creates total confusion for the nations that came forth after the flood (all of Noah's descendants). I think there are about 25 generations listed in Chapter 10? They were the ones who tried to build a city with a huge tower, but God came down and confused their language, so they could not understand each other and never finished their work.
We gathered so many insights from this scripture and discovered multiple ways to respond. (I LOVE experiencing the RICHNESS of God's word). But one theme struck me in particular, and it is revealed in Genesis 11:4, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves; otherwise we will be scattered over the face of the whole earth.”
Toward the end of our study, we discussed that God confusing their language in this event was an act of His grace. How so? Because He was fulfilling the blessing He gave to humanity within the first days of creation (when everything was perfect and complete): "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.' " Moreover, He says the same thing to Noah after the flood (Genesis 9:1).
The people in Genesis 11 are reversing (and if effect disobeying) God's command by trying to avoid being scattered. Why would they do this? Well, our group came to the conclusion that their desire to build this city and tower came out of fear. What happened the last time people were scattered? God flooded the whole place! The timing of this is interesting too, because it comes soon after humanity has grown to a considerable size.
Also, guess what the materials were used to build the tower? Waterproof materials- bitumen and mortar.
The people were not only forsaking God's command, but they were also not trusting His promise: That He would never flood the earth again (Genesis 9:11).
They did not see God's blessing in His command nor were they aligned with His purposes for their lives. They believed they had a better idea of what would be in their best interest.
We also realized, however, how incredibly frustrating and terrifying it must have been to suddenly not understand what someone was saying just a minute ago. We were able to (somewhat) relate to that frustration because we are all learning Spanish. We joked about how much easier it would be to know what our host families were saying, the tamale man, the people we'll be serving in our ministries, and essentially everyone else in Mexico City.
So how exactly is this relevant to my experience in Mexico? Well...
This morning I was crying in my Spanish class because a friend of mine was poking fun at my Spanish-speaking ineptitude. Their jesting hit the tip of the iceberg of my Spanish-Language-Insecurities. Memories of talking to family members surfaced to my mind:
"No hablas español, Cecilia? Por que?"
I sometimes wonder if I could have learned other phrases in Spanish if my family had asked them as much as they did that question.
But no, this is the question that has been left sounding within my heart long after the words were ever spoken.
From as early as I could remember to high school, I tried as best I could to bury that question and the invalidation it brought with it. I also managed to convince myself for a time that I didn't actually care whether or not I spoke this language. But eventually, I ended up confronting this painful insecurity at a Spanish conference in 2013 called LaFe.
Here is The Genesis Parallel
I barely know any of my extended family. And the family I do know, I can't really have meaningful conversations with. This honestly hurts. I try to reason this hurt away because I do not understand how it's possible to miss someone you hardly know. Also, God has blessed me with so many people in my life I consider family who are not blood-related at all!
As I was pondering this afternoon about Genesis 11, I wondered if people were separated from their families because of the language barrier. Maybe each nation was given its own language so they could at least understand others in their own group. Regardless, I do not doubt that hurt and frustration were the responses of some people.
In a similar way, I have been hurt as a result of God's choosing to not place me in an environment where I would have learned the first language of "mi gente."
However, I trust that God's sovereignty is good, that He is trustworthy, and that His purposes for my life, even when some form of grief is involved, is not in vain. God would not cause me harm for the sake of harm. That is not who He is.
Even though His exact purpose for this detail of my life may not be entirely clear and obvious to me now, I know the story He is creating is part of an even bigger story. A story that brings people, the earth, and the heavens back to Eden.