I've been back in my hometown for less than a week now. I have spent the last three weeks in Elgin Illinois training with international teams. We sat together for hours learning about culture shock, cross-cultural communication, security realities, self-care, what it means to make disciples, and all kinds of different things in hopes of preparing us for our perspective fields. There were days when I didn't think it was possible to fit anything else in my mind. God met me in those weeks. He gave me rest and fresh perspective. And though God taught me, immensely through these classes, I was most encouraged to be learning alongside 22 other people who, with their own unique gifts and personalities, are preparing for a similar journey! How refreshing!
In IL, I was able to allow myself to push aside things that may need to be done, conversations that needed to be had, details to be attended to. I gave myself permission to be totally and completely present and available to what God may want to teach me there. While I count that as a success, I realized once my training came to an end, I had no choice but to pick up where I left off, right? I re-entered this awkward (in the most remarkable way) season of uncomfortable conversations, transitions, to-do lists, preparation, etc. Less than a week after this beautiful time in IL, I have found myself hurried, fighting the urge to play the comparison game, wondering how in the world God could use me in Malawi and wondering how in the world I can possibly put together a team big enough to meet my support goals. How dare I, right?! Ha.
As I sit here, momentarily, in attempt to find rest and reflect on the ways God has revealed himself to me in this week, I can’t help but A) laugh at myself for how ridiculous of a notion it is to attempt to meet these “goals” on my own and B) remember (again!!) the beautiful promise in Hebrews 10:23: “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” Hallelujah for a God who provides, who doesn’t expect his children to figure out a way to make things happen, but who just asks us to rely on him to make the way. I am so thankful that God does not call us out into the water of this plans and leave us alone. I am so thankful that God is always faithful to his promises and gracious enough to remind me time and time again.