Of any year I've ever lived through, this year has had the most change, by far. In May, I graduated from university, joyfully but also with a bit of grief. The relationships I'd developed would never be the same again, for distance and time would separate me from most if not everyone. The experiences I'd had would become distant memories, most of which I'd remember fondly but some of which I'd keep struggling to make sense of. Summer and the first bit of fall were incredibly challenging but also rewarding and memorable. I got to travel all over the Northwest, the land of my upbringing, and take it in one last time before leaving it behind for a long while. I also support raised full-time, which was full of many ups and downs. Although I constantly felt like I wasn't doing enough and was frustrated that God wasn't providing in the ways I thought He would, He brought me to full funding with a solid team of ministry partners in 11 weeks. That's crazy! There's no way that could not have been God at work. And then, a little over two months ago, I moved my entire life to Bangkok. To be honest, I've experienced more hardships than joys here, because adjusting to a new country and culture is incredibly hard. Especially at the early stages, boredom was rampant and hard to deal with; it gave me space to deal with myself, space I'd never had before. Certainly I thought I'd done so before, but in Bangkok, with less ammenities and comforts, I really had to. Things like sleep deprivation, emotional distress, and my walk with God, with all its struggles and imperfections (on my end, of course), affect me much more profoundly here than they ever have anywhere else, for better or worse. Then you have the holidays. Certainly this is the hardest it's ever been, being so far from home at a time of year I have never spent away from family.
Especially early on, when I first moved to Bangkok, I really struggled with F.O.M.O. For those of you who may not know, it's an acronym for the "Fear of Missing Out." It's pretty horrible, really. You perpetually feel like there's always something better going on, something you're not currently experiencing that you wish you were a part of. For me, it was fall, when the leaves change color and fall to the ground; family gatherings, like Thanksgiving and the birth of my most recent baby cousin; and winter, with the first snowfall and the decorating of our family Christmas tree. Around Thanksgiving, however, I had an epiphany, one that has changed my entire outlook on my two years here. There is nothing, nothing at all, even at this time of year, for me to fear missing out on. If I weren't here, I'd still be missing out on something - in this case, one of the most difficult yet rewarding experiences I could ever have. Over the next two years, I'm sure I will grow in ways I would never grow otherwise. I may never have another two years like these two again, where I'm single and not tied down and can fully invest in a community and ministry without any other distractions. I don't mean that family, a 9-5 job, or life in America are horrible - they can be great things! What I am saying is that there may never be another two years like these two; in fact, there probably won't be. There are many great things out there and one of those things I am currently living. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you are living one of those great things. You will never be shaped anywhere else like you will where you are right now.
My, a lot has changed this year.
And I wouldn't change it for the world.