Reflection has been a key part of this last month and boy was it necessary. I thank you all for keeping me in your prayers as I went through what was hopefully the roughest part of culture shock and new-country adaptation.
This past month we had some staff from our company join us to work alongside the three inters and we analyzed our spiritual giftings. I was first off blessed by hosting one of the staff and getting the company of a guy my age that spoke my language (both culturally and linguistically). It was nice to have him around as well as practice being a tour guide and getting his input on our gifting reflections. One day out of the week we spent the morning talking about one intern, what they had written about their possible giftings and what we as a team had observed. After and enjoyable couple of hours talking about me we agreed that I showed a gifting in loving others, a.k.a. mercy, gifts of helps and giving. There was also the potential to be gifted in pastoring but we'll have to pray about it, practice and see how things move forward.
Aside form the gifts project and praying together I have also received other insight from counseling. The interns and team lead all started counseling this week as a way to stay healthy and get some help with living in a new culture. Our counselor is a local that did her masters in the U.S. and has been super helpful. I've mostly talked with her about being a TCK (third culture kid/ growing up between cultures) and she has giving some good advice as well as connected me with the latino community.
Reflecting on the things I learned while the staff was here, the things I've heard from my counselor and my times talking with God I would say I'm definitely being asked to grow in maturity and boy is it hard to hear. I reflect on my life and recognize how blessed I have been by God's love and his work in the lives of those around me and my first response is I want to be a part of that, I want to love in the same way I've been loved. It is after these statements that realize I'm asking to be on the giving end. I'm used to be on the receiving end and it's nice, I'm still not sure the giving end is as enjoyable. I'm honestly scared to give. I think to myself that I don't want to burn out, I don't want to love others when I won't be loved in return, I'm not sure I want to help the one who will never say thanks. Where do I go from here? Well, I say that the one who loved me from the beginning is God and He is the one I want to honor. I move forward asking Him for strength because I know He's the only one who can love the way I've been loved and I look to serve and love others for Him, as a way of expressing my thanks for the love that He showed me. I'm still not sure how it will go and there is a weariness in my step but forward we go.