As much as I've enjoyed time with friends this past month of Ramadan it's also probably been my lowest month since being here. In retrospect it's a combination of many factors, the principle of which is focusing on the wrong things. I've seriously failed to look for and see how and where God is working around me choosing instead to focus on the negative things. There is no lack of negative things but one of the predominant struggles of being here is the sense of hopelessness.
I struggle to communicate how much hopelessness wears you down but its the consistency of it, not necessarily the intinsity of it, that gets to you. What has struck me the most are the stories people share with me of trying to get to Europe.
The month before last a woman at the center, N, was chatting with me and shared that she had been out of town because she had gone to the Mediterranean coast to try getting to Europe by boat. She told me that she was with the group at a house getting ready to leave when the police came and raided the house. When they rushed in she was praying and so they allowed her to finish as they escorted the others out. When a policeman came back to see if anybody was left inside she was in the middle of kneeling, as part of her prayer, and the policeman missed her and left. When N finished praying she found that she was alone in the house and was able to make it back to where we are. N had been helping out at the center and she's been a big help since being back. I'm glad she's still with us and pray that she will come to know God and his plan for her but at the same time it hurts to see that she sees risking drowning at sea as her best option.
This past month K, H and I have also had two visitors with us. Two young guys, 21 and 19 years old, who ran away from home and are now trying to cross the Mediterranean as well. The cost for a one way trip on a crowded refugee boat is U$ 3,000. To put that in perspective our friends here make about U$ 80 a month...
...yeah. And how do they get the money to travel? Family and friends give it to them. I still don't know the rational behind it, it blows my mind. With U$ 3,000 each, these guys could fully dedicate themselves to studies here and not have to worry about food or housing for 2 years at least. But even that doesn't look good to them, to their families, to their friends. There's no hope here. People don't choose to invest in education here, in business projects, in anything because there's no rational reason to believe that tomorrow there will be a payoff. I get my education and there will be no job for me. I invest in a business and the government will take it away. The best option is to go to the safety of Europe and start a life there sending money back to my family. Who knows? Maybe I'll be able to send enough money to have them come join me, or die trying.
It's really hard for me to not get caught up in this hopelessness. Really hard. I have to remember that God is at work but I also want to see his work here. I want my rational as well as my senses to be overwhelmed by the presence of God here in this country, in this neighborhood. It's helped to hear how God's working in other places and so I look to focus on on that and ask that you continue to keep me in your prayers.
Good news from this past month is that we've found a new place for the community center and have started up with another two-month session of english courses. The classes are all full and the community that we saw forming at the old center is around and growing every day. Praise God.