How do I even begin to sum up my year here? Iteams Nicaragua bought a rehabilitation farm for recovering addicts, donated 7500 eggs to preschoolers, and increased our Nicaraguan and American work family. All the short-term mission groups who visit us are astonished at what we’ve accomplished and how much we’ve grown.
In the mist of all this great progress as a team, it was personally the hardest year of my life. I feel as if my imperfections and flaws are bubbling to the surface like the lava in the Masaya Volcano. I am strong-willed and confident, but I have been asked to mold, change, and grow. Yes, I have come to recognize the majority of my problems are issues that any 20-something-year-old faces. How do I adapt to my first full-time work environment? How do I find community in a new place by myself? How do I find my God-given purpose and direction? At the same time, I feel like these challenges are heightened living in foreign country and culture. Plus the pressure that I only have two years to figure things out and do something helpful.
Living in Nicaragua is similar to riding an emotional roller coaster - one week I feel like I’m fulfilling my purpose, and the next I am beaten down by the demons of loneliness, pride, jealousy, and questioning my worth. I guess I was a little naïve to think I would never contemplate quitting, but of course it happened to me just like it happens to everyone. And it hurt to the point of me seriously asking myself, ‘Am I a bad person?’
“For love to be real, it must cost-it must hurt-it must empty us of self.” –Mother Teresa.
Although in the moments of struggle it is hard to see past my pain, I now have the right mind to look forward to God’s big reveal of the purpose of the past year’s challenges.
I don’t know how I would have handled all these challenge without all the incredible and supportive people in my life. I know every person reading this now cares about my wellbeing and who I become more than what I do. If you could please continue to be praying for me, I am seeking the peace, stability and value that only comes from my Creator and Comforter.
As much as I need your prayers, I want to pray for you as well. I set aside time in every week to pray for my support team. Teach me to love and serve others by letting me know what you need.