Future Goers,
First off, before I get into any other thoughts, I want to say that everyone's journey is different. When reading this post, know that what I will say may have some relate-able aspects to it, but will never fully be your experience. Where the Lord is taking you may not be where He has taken me, geographically or spiritually speaking. As well, He may also take you on a different path than He took me. Even if you make it to Europe or even to Berlin, we are all different. Created uniquely and precisely, you are designed to have your own way, through your own eyes and your own perception. I must also apologize for my lack of documentation during these years. For many different reasons, I have failed to regularly post different events, thoughts, and lessons that I have been through in this time frame. I could list out all my excuses, but instead, I will leave this final post with a summary of the possible things I could have written. Hopefully it will help you on your own journey.
Now that this has been said, I can move onto some thoughts I have had during my two-year period in the city:
1. You will never fully understand what you signed up for.
I knew that the Lord wanted me in Berlin. He clearly told me time after time and then confirmed this with how He provided. However, I had never been to Europe. I had never been to Berlin. I had never traveled outside of the country by myself either. So, what you might imagine, I was so nervous getting on that plane to travel to the city. Then, when arriving to my layover, that nervousness increased. I had missed my flight, and then later, lost my bags. Arriving then into Berlin, I remember getting onto a bus and while I was watching the city lights, I thought to myself - what did I get myself into? Later that night, my cohort and I all woke up with jetlag at the same time. As we tried to fall back asleep, my thoughts kept dancing around with thoughts of questioning - did I do the right thing, what could happen, what will the Lord do?
Now, two years later, looking back on this moment in time, I want to say that it's ok. It's completely ok to question what you are doing. It's ok to feel anxious or nervous, even fearful of what you committed to. It is a good, but big commitment. I mean, YOU decided to leave what you knew- the comfort of culture, your friends and family. You left two years of the possibility of who you could have been right where you were for building a life of someone you don't even know, for going where the Lord asked you to go, for taking a step in faith. Thank you for being obedient to His voice. Thank you for going.
2. You will learn SO much about yourself.
Being away from all those in your life that would give you encouragement or criticism aren't around. Your friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, you name it - they all don't play the same role in your life anymore. You have to make all the decisions. And the catch is that you may or may not know if you made the right one at all. For a simple example, you have to make the decision on what to eat. Fair enough. What will you cook this evening for dinner? Are you going to go out? Are you going to eat in? What would you need if you want to cook in? What is the name of it in German? Where would it be in the grocery store? Is the grocery store open today? Ok, maybe this is too simple. Maybe you have lived on your own before. Maybe you love to cook or have been to your new city and know places where you like to eat. Then here are some other questions- what role will you play in your new city? Where would you like to live? Do you actually like hobbies that you didn't like before? How do you handle traveling with a group? Traveling alone? Are you an early riser? Do you need more time alone as an introvert? Who are your friends to go to as an extrovert? Where are places you can meet up with people? And on and on I could go. The questions of how you are going to live your life are never-ending. There is no one here to tell you (except maybe a few teammates if you are lucky) what is right or wrong. You make your life decisions. Every single one of them. Even if you have lived on your own before coming to your new city, the culture changes you. Your environment shapes you.
Speaking to you as a "Practitioner" (thank you DiSC test) I extremely value personal growth. In the end, this is probably one of my favorite things about the two years in Berlin. It was an amazing way for me to understand more of what I like and don't like. Before I came to Berlin, I knew that I did or didn't like things, but somehow I made the connection that this particular feeling was my opinion. In other words, I was forming opinions that I didn't realize I had. I didn't realize how much my family and friends had influenced me and coming to Berlin gave me more of the freedom to see who I am for myself. This truly is a gift. It can be a frustrating one, but it is definitely a gift.
3. In addition, you will change.
SURPRISE! Just kidding. I'm pretty sure this one is obvious. You will grow to be different. Naturally, over the course of these two years, you will find new things to do, new people to meet, new places to go. You will experience some of the best and worst times of your life. You will feel lonely. You will feel sad. You will learn things you didn't think you could learn. You will go places physically, spiritually and mentally that you didn't even think were possible. Things will change you, and I believe they will change you for the better. You are going into the person you were always made to be.
My three friends in my cohort will be the first to tell you that I've changed the most since moving here. Before I came, they'd probably say I was super timid, shy, and unsure of myself. And granted, I would agree. It is a bit scary moving across an ocean to a place you've never been. However, now I feel more creative, more free to be my joking-self, more into my own style. I feel more like myself, now that I know more of who that is.
4. Your walk with the Lord will change.
I can't speak for everyone's walk with the Lord (getting back to what I was talking about earlier in the letter). But, I can say that living in a new culture and getting into situations that you might have not encountered before might have you wrestle with the Lord in a new way. Going to a new church or small group might not leave you as full as it might have before you moved. How and when you encounter the Lord will look different. Reading the Bible in a new language is tiring. Hearing sermons and worshipping in another language is hard work. But God, being rich in mercy with His great love for us...just kidding. But our relationship with God grows as we grow. Even though it is a lot more challenging, you also become closer with the Lord because of it. There will be times when you can't feel Him near and can't sense what exactly He is telling you to do, but keep pursuing Him. Keep asking and talking with Him. Keep reading, keep studying. Keep going to that church even though you don't understand anything. In the end, you'll realize that this whole time you were growing.
5. Home will never be the same.
This is not to discourage you at all, but rather to warn you of the truth that will come when you go back home. The first time that I had gone back to Texas was almost two years after I had left. I felt as though I didn't need to come back if I was just going to live in Berlin for two years. It is so expensive to fly back and forth and so I decided that I would just fly home when my time was up. After a few changes in my plan, I decided to go home this past Christmas. It was definitely a great time! I loved seeing all my friends and family that I had missed while gone. Its true what people say, your home changes and people continue to live their lives when you are away, so I had continued to prepare myself for these things before I had left. I would visualize the places I knew I wanted to go. I would remind myself of things I used to do. I would ask other people how they dealt with reverse culture shock. However, reverse culture shock is still real and for me, home felt the same but different. It was different staying in a new room in my parents' house. But, is was the same house I had always lived in and knew where most things were still kept. I had to drive my grandma's car that she graciously left me which I hadn't drove before. But, I could still drive to family and friends' houses by memory. And on and on I could go. One thing that was shocking to me was eating out. Restaurants and foods that I remember loving, I actually didn't like anymore. Not only did I not like the food, but even the experience. I wasn't a fan of how the waiters and waitresses come up to your table so much or how I felt the cleanliness was not good at all. Being away had changed home for me, but not exactly in all the ways, big or small, I thought they were going to be.
In the end, home is different because it's not home anymore. The places that you used to go to aren't exactly what you remembered. Things are newer, things are older. But you're different and that's ok. You have new cultures and customs that you like now to add to the things that you used to love and it makes things different. Home isn't the same because you're not the same.
6. It's ALL worth it.
Even through all the ups and the downs (sometimes it can feel like there are more downs than ups) you will become someone you never thought you'd be. Support raising can be disheartening at times, but don't give up. Learning a new language can seem impossible at times, but stick with it. Working in a new environment can be worrisome and stressful, but keep showing up. "Commitment" is the name of the perfume that I love in Berlin and I think it sums up what this was- a commitment. Commit to it and see what the Lord does! It's such an unforgettable journey.
Be Encouraged,
Andrea