Before I Left the Middle East last summer, I was convicted and challenged to think about the next steps to take on the path of determining what the Lord had for me. In Feb I had told my national director that I wanted to move there long term and he asked me if I had a clear answer from God's word on making that decision. I twirled my hair around my finger and said, "Make disciples of all nations?" and he kind of laughed and said "good try." He told me it was really important that I was spending time in God's word to hear from Him.
In the summer when I was making the decision about coming home or staying to pursue this dream job I had been offered, I wrestled with myself over and over and over. You see I had been directed to come home to be developed mentally, emotionally and spiritually but having been given the opportunity to stay where my heart was, where I had spent a year building a life was a challenging dilemma. Getting handed the opportunity to do a handful of things I collectively wanted to do in life was a dream come true. I didn't want to be judge for not taking the time to be developed but I really really wanted to stay and to have this job.
I spent the day before leaving praying about whether or not I should come back after the summer leave or if I should stay back for this 2+ year development. The verse that I felt was impressed upon my heart was "If you love me, you will obey my commands" and so I thought to myself, "what is the greatest commandment?... to love the Lord your God with all your heart, Soul and Mind and strength." Earlier that Day the director had told me that no matter where I was, If i wasnt pursuing holiness, I wouldn't be fruitful, here or there.
I decided that if this job was meant for me, it could wait. I needed to whole heartedly pursue sanctification, pursue becoming more like christ. I needed to go home and concentrate on holiness instead of pursueing my dreams.
I came home and the first 10 weeks were really hard. Adjusting back to America, fitting back into the culture, the friend circles, my church and community. I missed being overseas. I missed my friends and so many other things.
I'm learning so much. I'm so thankful I am home to be changed, renewed and molded more like Christ. This season could not be more ordained by the creator of the universe who cares for me. Praise Him from whom all blessings flow.
like Laura Story sings, "'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise."
God is good. He is near and He IS able.