Language learning is like a tug-o-war in my brain. Which one will win? My determination? Or my desperation? Right now, it seems like natural talent is nothing I can lean on. The level that I am in now is so far the hardest. It is not only hard because I do not know 60% of what the teacher is saying, but it is also hard emotionally because being clueless makes me feel dumb. Yesterday I had the feeling that no one wanted to be my partner because I never know what is going on. So, that is hard to deal with. In the morning before class I have the determination to do well. But then I go to class and that determination dwindles as the wechselpräpositionen and the akkusativ, and dativ artikels fly over my head. So, then enters the desperation. This is good, but this is auch schlect (also bad). With the feeling of desperation comes helplessness. The feeling of both longing for more (knowledge and success) competing with the feeling of insignificance. Much like staring out into a sea of intimidating words. How will I ever learn enough?
So amidst the swirl of learning, discovering and making mistakes, one might wonder, is learning language that important? Simply: yes. And partly, that is what makes it so frustrating.
Somewhere within the sea of language learning, is it possible for the gospel to be found? Should we even be aware of the gospel in this context? How does the redemptive story of Jesus apply to studying?
Answering all of these questions specifically would be helpful to me so I can gain more understanding and hope when I am discouraged. I think that the umbrella answer over all of those questions is a more complicated yes. (even if it is not a yes or no question.)
I have seen the redemptive power and peace of Jesus when I talk about real things with my classmates. I can see the excitement of native German speakers when they know that I am learning more about their language- and that gives me hope about being able to connect with them in a more meaningful way.
Sometimes it is easy to be discouraged. Sometimes we don’t want to see how the good news of the gospel impacts the situation that we are in. And that is real life.
But I don’t just want real life. I want a true life. And that is why I need to ask myself these questions.
Language learning difficulties are low on the scale of important things that are going on in the world, but that is what God has called me to for this moment in time. If I can see him in the small things, how much greater will I see him in the large.
-Kelsey