Forgiveness.
To forgive is one of the most transforming actions in ones’ life. This past Saturday, as I was teaching English to four advanced Thai students, one student asked me a question. “How do you know you are forgiven?” We just finished reading a story about how God punished Adam and Eve for their sin of disobeying the Lord. And these students were wondering how do they receive God’s forgiveness.
I will come back to what happened in class. But for two days now God has been speaking and reminding me of the power of forgiveness in my own life. Actually, my walk with the Lord began after I was challenged to forgive. I felt prompted to share a bit about my story. To share how forgiveness transformed my entire life.
I didn’t grow up having the greatest relationship with my father. We didn’t talk much. I rarely felt loved and even liked by him. It seemed that my dad really struggled with his personal issues and therefore wasn’t the most caring father. He provided for my needs, but never showed affection. He said many hurtful and damaging words to me. In turn, my own perception of worth, love, and beauty were greatly impacted.
You are ugly. You are a failure. You are worthless. You will never be loved. You are stupid. You will never be beautiful. You will never by skinny. Why try? Why can’t I be like other girls? Why can’t my dad love me? No man will ever look at you. You will never get married. You will never be good enough for anything or anyone.
These are the constant lies and curses that I said to myself as a child, as a teenager, and as a young adult. Theses lies stemmed from the lies my father spoke over me, the lies that other children spoke over me, the lies that even Christians spoke over me. I was a broken girl. I was so lost and all I wanted was to be loved and feel like I had worth.
But little did I know that God already started a long and beautiful process of transformation. During my high school years, God called my eldest sister back to Michigan to plant a church with her husband. This family of believers was the first place I ever felt like I mattered. I was treated with dignity and love. I was accepted. I had a glimpse of the Kingdom of God.
When I was a freshmen in college, I went on a leadership retreat with an organization called Mexico Outreach.
This retreat changed my life.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I was sitting in a church pew in Cuernavaca, Mexico. We got the time mixed up and arrived to church over an hour early. But it was no mistake. God had a plan. The Holy Spirit began to move and speak to many college students. Then He spoke to me. He asked me to forgive my dad. He asked me to forgive the bullying I received by Romanians, Americans and many others. It was the hardest thing I had ever encountered. I began to think. How can I forgive them? I was a helpless child. I was innocent. Why didn’t God stand up for me? Why did I feel worthless? But God asked me again. “Sarah, will you forgive them?”
I sucked in a deep breath and I began to weep. Oh man, did I cry. I was faced a choice. Will I allow my past to hinder my future? And then I took a step of faith and said yes. I said “okay God, I forgive them. No but seriously, I forgive them.” God wasn’t finished, but church began. Some time passed but then God spoke to me again, this time through a man who later became a father figure to me. This man began to speak. He said: “Sarah, do you know God wants to tell you something? He has three words for you Sarah. Sarah, YOU ARE FORGIVEN.”
I fell to the ground. I began to weep again. And for the first time in my life, I felt like I had worth. I felt like I was special. I felt like I was chosen. I felt seen. And then I knew…I knew that if I died that very second, I would be up in heaven with Jesus.
The power of forgiving those who hurt me transformed my life.
But forgiveness didn’t stop there. I learned that it is a process. It is a choice. People didn’t stop saying lies to me. My dad didn’t wake up one day and change. People still judged me. They still hurt me with their words and actions. And yes, although I want to say that I never believed a lie, a curse, or even allowed it to affect me would be a lie. I was asked to forgive five years ago and I am still learning to forgive today. And I will continue to forgive until the day I leave this earthly home and be with my eternal Father.
Now lets go back to the present.
On Saturday I was able to share the gospel with these four students. I shared about God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I shared about how God sent His only Son to die for all of us. I shared about Jesus and His sacrifice. I shared about communion and its symbolism. I shared about how our God forgave us the day He chose death in our place.
Forgiveness is powerful. It is beautiful. It is transformational. God, the Creator of the whole universe made a choice. He chose to forgive us. He chose to forgive me. He chose to forgive you.
Isn’t that the gospel? Why do we choose to hate? Why do we choose to put ourselves before others?
Yeah, I get it. It is not easy. But it's a choice.
6-18 God makes everything come out right;
he puts victims back on their feet.
He showed Moses how he went about his work,
opened up his plans to all Israel.
God is sheer mercy and grace;
not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
he has separated us from our sins.
As parents feel for their children,
God feels for those who fear him.
He knows us inside and out,
keeps in mind that we’re made of mud.
Men and women don’t live very long;
like wildflowers they spring up and blossom,
But a storm snuffs them out just as quickly,
leaving nothing to show they were here.
God’s love, though, is ever and always,
eternally present to all who fear him,
Making everything right for them and their children
as they follow his Covenant ways
and remember to do whatever he said.
Psalm 103:10-18 (MSG)
Forgiveness may be the hardest thing you ever do. I know it was for me. But I pray that as you walk forward, you will be challenged to forgive and learn to love like Christ loves you.