Before I decided to move to Thailand, a lot of people asked me a question, “Sarah, what is your biggest fear moving so far away?” Many people imagined my answer would be missing my family, missing my car, missing American food, missing my friends, not being able to communicate, not understanding the culture differences, etc. Of course these are things that I do miss and long for, but my biggest fear moving to Bangkok was not about leaving those I love behind or the comforts of America through transportation and food, but my biggest fear was being able to handle HOT season. I know I know; its silly but it’s the truth.
Many of you know my story about what happened three years ago in Haiti, if not, here is a brief summary. I was co-leading a mission trip to Haiti shortly after the earthquake occurred. The trip was six weeks long and the main goal was to provide medical care through mobile clinics to poverty areas that were greatly affected by the aftermath of the earthquake, as well as, teaching English and some orphanage care for children with disabilities. As we arrived to Haiti, our team saw the hand of God in very tangible ways. Everyday was so beautiful being able to walk alongside Haitians and help provide some medical care. But soon after our arrival, I began to feel attacked spiritually, mentally, and especially physically. Everyday I woke up with extreme pain, sometimes it continued throughout the day and sometimes it stopped. After the pain began, I also had some extremely horrible stomach issues which caused me to use the bathroom a lot—if you get my drift. While this was all going on, I was struggling with the extreme heat and I just had no appetite or thirst. Very quickly my health began to decrease. I believe I suffered from a tropical illness called Dengue Fever, in addition to extreme dehydration and heat exhaustion. Then over night, everything came crashing down. I could barely walk, the pain was excruciating—I began having pain in my stomach, then it traveled to my head. While I had horrible pain, my arms went numb as my legs began to have terrible cramps. The pain was so horrific! I actually begged—no pleaded—with God to kill me, to chop off my head and take the pain away. I was desperate. The doctor gave me pain meds and I would just vomit them out. My health decreased so much, the doctors in Haiti were afraid I would have kidney failure and other potential organ failures, so they made a quick decision and I was evacuated back to the US.
From that experience, a fear of heat began to form. Every time it was too hot in California, I honestly felt the pain begin. And as I was preparing my heart for what God was calling me into after graduation, I still had a lingering fear that I would fail due to my body not being able to handle the heat in Bangkok and beyond. But the Lord kept saying, “do not fear Sarah.” I kept repeating Joshua 1:9 to myself: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not fear, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” That verse is my life verse—but apart of me still allowed the enemy to create doubt.
Now that I have been living in Bangkok for almost seven months and have entered hot season not too long ago, my fear of heat has diminished. Yes, it really sucks and it is only going to get hotter as the days go by, but God has shown His faithfulness to me time and time again. Yes, I still struggle. For example, I cannot sleep well at all. As I am writing this blog entry, it is past 2 am and I am still not asleep, and the worst part is I have a Thai language test tomorrow! I wake up hot and sweaty and sticky everyday. I am constantly exhausted and sometimes I still feel that pain a little from when I was sick in Haiti. Although some circumstances are rough, especially not being able to sleep, my trust in God has helped me in so many ways. My FEAR of heat and illness is GONE!
Yes, we have so many struggles in life. But God is always there to walk with us and help remind us of the hope that lives with us on earth and in our hearts. Although the heat sucks and I wish for air-conditioning most sleepless nights, I am still in awe of God’s faithfulness and goodness!! Although there are many struggles in life—spiritual, emotional, physically, social—God is always there with us. Continue to believe and have faith in our Father, for He does not fail. I know I keep repeating things, but seriously, He does not fail us.
**In the photo above was with my friend Courtney when she visited me last month. I wrote a little bit about it in my monthly updates. If you want to receive my monthly updates and aren't already, please email me at [email protected].