I was twelve. Situated at our family’s shared computer that still used dial-up, I eagerly awaited for my email to load. My eyes danced and butterflies flew around in my tummy as I waited for the one email I always looked for- my near daily email from my dear friend who lived in Papua New Guinea as a Missionary Kid.
We were keeping each other accountable for our young lives, praying for one another and calling each other long distance for special occasions like birthdays and on Christmas. Many times we would have cultural clashes as we discussed different viewpoints of our childhood, but we grew and learned – cross culturally- all while emailing. And every so often, we would stumble upon a subject that would stop us both in our tracks.
As her email loaded, I began to read real words from my mirror image who lived on the other side of the world. A believer. A question. A gun.
“Lydia, if someone was about to shoot your friend, would you put yourself between the shooter and your friend?”
It took me a few days to respond. Every time I started to type, I would slowly tap the backspace button, not feeling like my heart was 100% committed to my answer. When I finally did, I thought my heart was going to flop onto the desk in front of me. But it was in those moments where I came face to face with a weighty choice- was my life MINE or the Lord’s? I knew in my head what I should say, but when related to a true experience that happened in my friend’s context, it was real and I couldn’t just treat it as a theoretical experience.
I think often of that email I sent that day when I was twelve. To humble me. To encourage me. To remind myself of the weight of my decision to follow Christ.
As of late, Northern Cameroon has been in the news. Christians are being persecuted, foreigners who profess Christ as Lord are being kidnapped and taken over the border into Nigeria and the area has been identified as a risky place to visit or work. The French and American governments have essentially abandoned it, saying it is too dangerous.
I am twelve again. Faced with a choice. Tremble like Moses, telling God I can’t go, that I am too scared? Or, step forward with boldness like Stephen and dauntlessly proclaim who is Lord of my life?
But it is more than a flippant answer or what everyone wants to hear. It’s a heart choice. A lifestyle choice. How will I choose to live day in and day out that reflects that I have put EVERYTHING on the line for the sake of Christ? That my body is not my own? That I have been bought with a price and that every action I make should reflect Christ.
May my lungs be filled with an endless supply of praise like Paul and Silas, may I cry tears of mercy for my captors who don’t realize how hurt their own hearts are and may I smile widely because the Lord is shining through my life enough for others to take notice.
I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back.
NO TURNING BACK.