Goer blogs

Being Strong

By Emily on June 20, 2019 Track: Youth Development Region: Europe

June 19, 2019 So this last Sunday, Penacost Sunday, I was battling within myself. A week prior I had been asked to share my story with a small group and so I had been thinking it through and trying to decide how much to include. This had caused me a great deal of stress and so that week many things had reminded me of my story and set off a chain reaction of me thinking through my personal trauma. This had reached a fever pitch by Penacost Sunday. I was so torn between the freedom of giving my story to Christ and the fear and shame of telling my story to people I barely knew. During the... Read more

I Learned Something

By Emily on June 20, 2019 Track: Youth Development Region: Europe

June 18, 2019 Feeling loved and safe is, and always has been, my number one priority. Feeling disapproval equated to not being safe and therefore needed to be avoided at all costs. It was explained over and over to me in Church that I could not earn God’s love. The only way I was comfortable receiving love was through earning it. So hearing that I couldn’t earn God’s love was not comforting. I couldn’t accept any free love because it wasn’t dependable. God was like a parent who obviously loves their child, but is never pleased with them. Never being enough and not being able to do anything... Read more

Building for the Next Step

By Emily on June 20, 2019 Track: Youth Development Region: Europe

May 23, 2019 Looking back on the last three months of waiting, I am so thankful that I’m not the one in charge. Even just this last month God has shown me so many things about myself. God is so actively moving in the stillness.  I had realized that I constantly reflect and mirror myself to the people and situations going on around me. I was able to start questioning that reflex and very actively working against it. Picture always needing to feel approval and striving for it whenever it is not felt. So in situations that are predictable and comfortable it is generally easy for me to do this,... Read more

My Puzzle

By Emily on June 18, 2019 Track: Youth Development Region: Europe

July 24, 2018 Counseling is basically bringing a puzzle to a professional puzzle solver. Telling the truth about how you made the puzzle, but how the puzzle is messed up because of people and choices. Giving the counselor all the keys to the puzzle that you have, and admitting that you've done everything you can to solve the puzzle and you can't figure it out. And then the therapist listens to all the ways your puzzle was broken and made harder by things you couldn’t control. And they listen to you cry about how the puzzle is stupid and worthless and how you don't want your puzzle anymore.... Read more

One Step At A Time

By Diamond on May 31, 2019 Track: Youth Development Region: Europe

Breathe In. Breathe Out. 2 weeks. 13 days. 312 hours. This is how much time I have left until I catch my flight to Berlin, Germany. How does this make me feel? Anxious. Nervous. Excited. This is the moment that I have been preparing for for over a year now and here I am: saying my last goodbyes and turning them into “see-you-laters”, packing up my room and my suitcases, enjoying the last of the American food that I will have in awhile, stocking up on peanut butter, filling out final paperwork, raising the remaining of my support, and convincing myself I don’t need to bring my entire closet... Read more

What's up World?

By Rosie on May 31, 2019 Track: Youth Development Region: Latin America

Hellooo World! Or anyone who may be reading this now!          Welcome to my first blog entry!       I'd like to start off by introducing myself. My name is Rosie Sawatzki, and I recently graduated from the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor. While I was there I studied Spanish and Education, was very involved in my church and college group, and very in love with my work of being a Resident Assistant to the incoming freshman girls who came into the dorm I worked and lived in.       Instead of taking the traditional route of going into teaching right after graduation, I decided to do something... Read more

The Story of Job: Pleading My Case

By Diamond on March 29, 2019 Track: Youth Development Region: Europe

We have our moments. Moments where we feel like things aren't going right because they aren't going our way or the way we think they should go. When we go through times of suffering and adversity, we feel like we have been abandoned and sometimes hopeless. When we get to this point, we feel like we have the right to plead our case to God. This is where Job was. This is where I am. Now I am not saying that I am currently going through a time of suffering, but how I relate to Job is what you will understand in just a moment. As I am going through the story of Job, I have been stuck on Chapter 9... Read more

Being Equipped (Part Two)

By Emily on February 16, 2019 Track: Youth Development Region: Europe

  February 13, 2019 (Part Two) Sometimes I question “why me.”  It seems like almost anyone would be better equipped to serve overseas. It hasn't helped that in the last year I have become aware of a new medical diagnosis and repressed trauma. I tell God how damaged I am and that I am hopeless and useless. That His and my time would be used better elsewhere. That I can just lay down and never get up and He can find a much more useful vessel for His love. Even my prayers make me hate myself. Sometimes they are so selfish I want to take them back and just tell Him that it’s going to be a loss... Read more

Being Equipped (Part One)

By Emily on February 16, 2019 Track: Youth Development Region: Europe

February 13, 2019 In years past most of my prayers consisted of “Lord lead me” and “please give me wisdom” spread out every couples of months. This year it seems like every several months have had a more intense theme of alternating “Lord open my eyes” and “I literally can’t go on.” The more I saw, the less I could get out of bed without relying on the Word of God and a constant conversation about my current battle. The hopelessness of not having any answers to the problems I saw afflicting those closest to me kept me going back to Jesus for the will to go on. It seemed like the more I... Read more

Learning True Reliance

By Emily on February 16, 2019 Track: Youth Development Region: Europe

  February 13, 2019 When I first applied to be a goer it was over a year ago in September, and when I started taking it seriously it was almost exactly a year ago. I remember in past years seeing people’s “year end summaries” saying how much they had grown in the previous year. Most years, especially in college, I definitely would have said the same. But 2018 was a larger change than I ever would have asked for sincerely. It wouldn’t have helped if someone had told me how hard it would be, but looking back I am so thankful that it was too difficult to do alone. The people I’ve met, and... Read more