My letter to future Goers
I thought that I was done with studying. I was ready to put the books aside and just go. After all I am more of a learn on the job kind of person. I headed overseas ready for this 2 year adventure to begin. I won't have to worry about grades or assignments anymore. Wow, was I sadly mistaken. Actually let me rephrase that. I was gladly mistaken. I was so tired of sitting in class and trainings. I just wanted to be on the field. I was eager but little did I realize, God wasn't using the information I picked up sitting still but was developing in me a spirit of learning. If I could advise anyone... Read more
Jesus in "Enemy Territory"
A little over a year ago, I was getting ready to leave the U.S. and move to Berlin. At that time, I thought a lot about what I was sure to encounter in Berlin – deeply-rooted problems, hostility, and spiritual darkness. I felt I was headed into enemy territory – a place where Satan, not God, had the upper hand. After all, there was a reason that cities like Berlin needed missionaries to bring more of Jesus there! But a year later, I’ve realized that Berlin is not enemy territory. It is in this city, where only 2% of people know Jesus, where I have seen God be more powerful than ever. In fact... Read more
The Power of Gratitude: Part 1
I love hiking. Something about being outdoors and witnessing the beauty of creation lifts my spirit. Yes, even if it’s in frigid cold of Midwest winter when my crazy friend visiting from Chicago says “Let’s go for a walk.” During those moments I’m the happiest. Very unlike the beginning of this month when in contrast I felt… well… kind of bitter. My funding deadline to leave in March was a only a few days away. It was pretty unlikely I’d be leaving based on our original plan. The overall frustration made every little irritation felt like someone adding one more brick on my shoulders when I... Read more
The Special Day
Ever since I was little, I always dreamt about what my wedding would look like. There were so many decisions I had to consider. Like, whether it was going to be big or small? Or which season would be perfect for it, summer, spring, or fall? Or the most important question, what colors are going to be in my wedding? Once I figured out those questions, I dive into more questions about the dress. What kind of dress would I like? Do I want a big dress like Cinderella or a smaller one to be more traditional? Do I want a long train or keep it simple? What kind of fabric should the dress be? Lace or... Read moreBeing Equipped (Part Two)
February 13, 2019 (Part Two) Sometimes I question “why me.” It seems like almost anyone would be better equipped to serve overseas. It hasn't helped that in the last year I have become aware of a new medical diagnosis and repressed trauma. I tell God how damaged I am and that I am hopeless and useless. That His and my time would be used better elsewhere. That I can just lay down and never get up and He can find a much more useful vessel for His love. Even my prayers make me hate myself. Sometimes they are so selfish I want to take them back and just tell Him that it’s going to be a loss... Read moreBeing Equipped (Part One)
February 13, 2019 In years past most of my prayers consisted of “Lord lead me” and “please give me wisdom” spread out every couples of months. This year it seems like every several months have had a more intense theme of alternating “Lord open my eyes” and “I literally can’t go on.” The more I saw, the less I could get out of bed without relying on the Word of God and a constant conversation about my current battle. The hopelessness of not having any answers to the problems I saw afflicting those closest to me kept me going back to Jesus for the will to go on. It seemed like the more I... Read moreLearning True Reliance
February 13, 2019 When I first applied to be a goer it was over a year ago in September, and when I started taking it seriously it was almost exactly a year ago. I remember in past years seeing people’s “year end summaries” saying how much they had grown in the previous year. Most years, especially in college, I definitely would have said the same. But 2018 was a larger change than I ever would have asked for sincerely. It wouldn’t have helped if someone had told me how hard it would be, but looking back I am so thankful that it was too difficult to do alone. The people I’ve met, and... Read moreI Prayed that God would Shut the Door (June 2, 2018)
June 2, 2018 I prayed that God would shut the door. On day two of training (May 28, 2018) one of the leaders referred to the goers (me included) as missionaries. Instantly my entire body rejected this new piece of information as false and I zoned out for the rest of the session. I’m not a missionary, I’m not qualified, I’m barely trained and more importantly I don’t deserve the title. Missionaries are in their late 30’s, in the jungles, transcribing Bibles while mosquitoes feed the next generation with their blood. That’s not me, I’m on my way to Croatian (now Bulgaria) to hang out with... Read more
My Letter to Future Goers
Whether you are a freshman in college dreaming of the day you can hop on a plane and start your journey overseas, or a senior terrified of the unknown, you cannot go wrong considering a position working overseas. It starts as an exhilarating thought that maybe God could use you in exciting ways and turns into a sense of doubt as you count the cost of leaving everything you know behind. But, after returning from my two-year commitment with GoCorps, I can say with confidence that every terrifying support meeting, heart breaking goodbye, and exhausting cultural dilemma was more worth it than I... Read more