Them: “Soo how are you feeling about moving to Spain in almost two months?”
Me: “Yes”
Yes, as in, I am feeling all the feelings! I have felt thrilled, nervous, at peace, overwhelmed, curious, motivated, hopeful, confused, vulnerable, encouraged, lonely, weak, grateful, impatient, delighted, grievous, inspired, anxious, joyful… the list goes on. If you can picture one of those “emotion wheel” diagrams, it feels like that sometimes HA.
The pleasant feelings? Dance party! Thank you Jesus!
The challenging feelings? Oof. Less dancing, more time on my knees in prayer. No matter the frustrations and doubt I’ve faced, I find the most solace in remembering two things: (#1) the cause of my going and (#2) the clarity of my calling.
The cause: When I think about the people in Spain—individuals with their own struggles, dreams, and questions—I feel an urgency to share the truth of the gospel with them. Imagining those who live without the assurance of being fully known and fully loved by the Creator of the universe, or the hope of eternity with Him, emboldens me to step out in faith.
The calling: Pursing missions has never felt like a decision; it has always felt like a response. The Lord has made His will so clear to me that to step away would be disobedience to His calling. Jesus left the comfort of heaven to bring redemption to us, and I trust that by following His example, these sacrifices will lead to transformation—not just for those I serve, but for myself as well.