Them: “Soo how are you feeling about moving to Spain in almost two months?”
Me: “Yes”
Yes, as in, I am feeling all the feelings! I have felt thrilled, nervous, at peace, overwhelmed, curious, motivated, hopeful, confused, vulnerable, encouraged, lonely, weak, grateful, impatient, delighted, grievous, inspired, anxious, joyful… the list goes on. If you can picture one of those “emotion wheel” diagrams, it feels like that sometimes HA.
The pleasant feelings? Dance party! Thank you Jesus!
The challenging feelings? Oof. Less dancing, more time on my knees in prayer. No matter the…
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If you were to ask me three months ago, I truly saw fundraising as a necessary evil. “I mean it’s what missionaries seem to do, so I guess it’s what I’ll do too”. And along with my presupposition about fundraising, I had underlying fears stepping into when seemed such a daunting task. Would I be a burden to others? Would I come across as inauthentic or disingenuous? Was I even worth the funds?
Sure these fears question my identity but more than that, they questioned the character of God. That realization brought me to my knees in repentance. I found myself echoing Peter’s words in John…
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Okay, well technically my suitcase is not full yet. Not even close. But even though I will not move to the field for another six months, I did just wrap up an intensive training week with GoCorps in Minnesota. Every lecture I sat in and every email I sent has gotten me one step closer to my March departure.
Sometimes I meditate on my departure for so long that I neglect to lift up this new fundraising season in prayer too. What I have realized is that this phase I am entering can feel like an in-between at times. And "in-betweens" are everywhere! They are the traffic on the way home, the…
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