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Breaking Bread In The New Year

Posted on Thursday, January 23, 2014

There’s nothing like the New Year to reveal how messed up you are!  By the way, Happy New Year.  Many people don’t know this about me, but I can be in my own head a lot.  I spent most of 2013 going back into my past: grade school, middle-school/high school, college, “real-world” and remembering all the heartbreaking/embarrassing situations I was in.  I would put myself back in those situations and think that I could handle them pretty well if I had another chance.  The thought I would end in is “well, I think I have it pretty together now.” 

I’ve wanted deep, genuine relationships my whole life, but can say that I barely have a best friend-I married my only best friend.  So here I am in 2014 and I’m reflecting on failure, a little bit of regret, relationships or lack thereof, adequacy/inadequacy.  All I needed to do was go several thousand miles to get a little clarity! Feeling like you don’t have many deep friendships hurts, and can lead a person to form defense mechanisms.  One of my defense mechanisms that I formed was to sound wise and give advice.  This was a sort of an idol in a sense.  I would feel loved through giving advice and opinions that people accepted.  And invalidation has been my silent killer.  But Jesus has reveled these things and is setting me free of them. 

The gospel that I spread and the love that I give is from Him.  I don’t need to be “right” or “understood” or “respected” (at least not as much as I did before) because this all comes from Jesus and the need for it to come from anyone but Him is sin.  Jesus is setting me free.  Not only that but He’s giving me incentive to become less so that He can do more.   Jesus broke a loaf of bread and was able to feed thousands - I think He "breaks" us in the same way.  I am becoming able to form deep relationships, especially with men and that is great!  Jesus loves me more than anyone else can or has.  Before I went on my first M trip I was dating someone, a Christian, but if I married her, my life could have gone in a complete different direction.  That was the direction of the good Brandon.  That trip changed me and set me on course to be the best Brandon.  That trip was when I began a habit of surrendering everything to Him.  My wife, the woman who I actually married who was part of that trip helped bring out the best in me - both intentionally and unintentionally (haha) and I know I wouldn’t be here if God did not lead me to her.  There were so many roads I could’ve taken!  But I’m here and I’m being sanctified.

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