Wow, two years, crazy. It has FLOWN by. I know everyone probably says that, but it is true. It flies by. Two years flashed in the blink of an eye, and they were a treasure. So many memories, so many friends, so many challenges, so many lessons learned, and so many lessons I am still learning.

As I am writing this I am trying to think, is this time what I expected it to be? What were my expectations going into the two years (either spoken or unspoken)? 

I didn’t expect my greatest struggle to be pride. This is something that has remained a consistent challenge throughout my two years. Pride wasn’t something I thought was a big problem, well shoot I was wrong about that. Throughout my time here the Lord has graciously shown me the different ways pride has actually been present in my thinking, and he has been inviting me toward healing in each of those areas. Whether it is pride in my work, in my relationships, in success, or in others’ perceptions of me, God is healing and will continue to heal.

I expected to change the world. When you are given the title of missionary, it comes with a lot of connotations. People think certain things when they hear that title, and I believed certain things when I heard that title. I owned some of them, one of them being that my moving overseas was going to change the world. Now in some ways that is true, we all can change the world, one conversation, one relationship at a time. But changing the world is sometimes really slow, it looks like long stretches of work with little visible fruit, it looks like things going wrong in your plans. But that just goes to show that God is the one changing the world, and I am an imperfect tool that he is using. God using us to change the world is requires faith, faith that we might not always see the results of our work, faith that the Lord goes ahead and behind us, faith that our identities are anchored in something more sure and lasting than our work, because it is anchored in the work of Christ, us being sons and daughters of the King.

I didn’t expect for this place to feel like home. I always planned on heading right back to America, to home, after my two years. America was where home was, so I had to go back! But it was crazy after a while, both started feeling like home, America and the Middle East. I began to sense I belonged in both places. My love for the Middle East, the people here, and for my team grew and continues to grow. I still love America and my home there, but I have seen that home can be two places, you can love two places, and the people you love in both places make up your family.

He has continually shown me time and time again His faithfulness, His compassion, and His love as he shapes my heart to reflect His heart.

I expected for God to change me. Now that was one that did happen, a right expectation, even if it came in ways I didn’t expect. I am not the same girl who moved to the Middle East two years ago and praise God for that. Change is hard, but wow God is good. He has continually shown me time and time again His faithfulness, His compassion, and His love as he shapes my heart to reflect His heart.

These two years were so rich. I am immensely thankful for them and how the Lord has used them for His Glory and my good. 

So however you are coming into these two years, whatever expectations you do or don’t have, be ready for change and be ready to see and experience the Lord in new ways. It is worth it, so worth it.